apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
