it hurts more in the daytime
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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