his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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