I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize