She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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