here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
