i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
