So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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