She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
