About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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