if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
