I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize