The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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