i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
