I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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