I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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