Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
