Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
