And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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