He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dicks are not precious.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
