If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
don't judge my taste in strippers
True strength comes from lack of pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
