The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
