First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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