I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
