I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
