right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
