You can't special order awesome
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
