I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
