What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
high people should be assigned attendants
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
