Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
