peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
