i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize