so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
