please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
