Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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