I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
