Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
