fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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