but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When are your genitals available?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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