my shit smells like andre
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize