im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
