once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
