my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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