i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
