Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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