i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
