It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
