we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
