She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
