the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
