About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
