Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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