Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
