Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
