1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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