i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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