Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
