I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
