playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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