I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
