Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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