They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
