He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she looked like the before picture.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
