The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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