When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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