She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
