i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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