i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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