I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
